Humor: ¿Cómo saber si llevas mucho tiempo en China?

- Cuando en verano bebes agua caliente pese a los 40º a la sombra.
- Cuando no dejas salir a la gente del vagón y ya estás metiendo el codo para entrar.
- Cuando te dejas crecer la uña del dedo meñique.
- Cuando sales a la calle en pijama.
- Cuando tu pijama es de felpa y de Hello Kitty.
- Cuando en lugar de esperar la cola optas por ir empujando al resto adelantando posiciones.
- Cuando vas al supermercado y ves sapos vivos y te planteas comprar uno para hacer sopa.
- Cuando has dejado de comprar desodorante.
- Cuando vas al baño, ves que hay taza y te sorprendes. Lo mismo cuando hay papel.
- Cuando te da por ponerte a escupir en la calle haciendo competición con los viandantes.
- Cuando conduces y no respetas el semáforo rojo al girar a la izquierda.
- Cuando comes arroz blanco sólo sin estar enfermo.
- Cuando dejas de mirar los semáforos.
- Cuando piensas en comprarte un número de teléfono sin 4.
- Cuando no quieres vivir en el 14.
- Cuando regateas hasta en el autobús.
- Cuando ves a un extranjero y piensas “anda, un laowai”.
- Cuando escupes los huesos al comer sopa y pelas las gambas con palillos.
- Cuando pagar por las servilletas no te parece una injusticia.
- Cuando fumas en el ascensor/hospital/taxi/tren y demás lugares prohibidos pese a que no estés sólo.
- Cuando dejas de dar propina y te quedas esperando a los 5 maos.
- Cuando prefieres usar la bicicleta pese a que llueva.
- Cuando te compras una capa de lluvia, una mascarilla, unas orejeras y lo combinas en la bici con unos guantes de último modelo.
- Cuando te levantas a las 7 am para hacer taichí con los viejitos de tu compound.
- Cuando exclamas “ohhhhhhh”.
- Cuando el “okey la” pasa a formar parte de tu vocabulario.
- Cuando empujar forma parte de tu día a día.
- Cuando no recuerdas cómo se decía “no entiendo” y pasas a usar “ting bu dong”.
- Cuando tu inglés ha pasado a ser: “looka, looka, cheapa cheapa”.
- Cuando te levantas pensando en comprarte un Gucci, un LV o quizás un Tous todo por 30€ y con las vueltas ir a comer.
- Cuando pagar para subir un monte te parece lo más natural del mundo. Y encontrarte a gente que te sigue ofreciéndote bebidas aún más.
- Cuando morir atropellado por un autobús ha dejado de ser tu principal preocupación cuando estás en la calle.
- Cuando vas a cortarte el pelo a las 11 de la noche, por 2€ y te enfadas si no te dan masaje.
- Cuando a las 2am te duelen los pies y te vas a dar un masaje.
- Cuando trabajas con el msn, el skype y el qq abiertos.
- Cuando ver escupideras te parece algo hasta higiénico.
- Cuando no visualizas negociar sin terminar comiendo y bebiendo más que en una boda.
- Cuando te levantas por la mañana y desayunas “tofu”.
- Cuando te vas de viaje de más de 2 días y tan sólo llevas una muda para cambiarte.
- Cuando sientes que los chinos no son tan feos como cuando llegaste.
- Cuando tomas la sopa sorbiendo y arqueando la espalda hasta casi comerte la mesa.
- Cuando usas una mano para indicar cualquier número del 1 al 10.
- Cuando te tocas la nariz para hablar de ti mismo.
- Cuando gritar es tu nueva forma de hablar.
- Cuando sales de fiesta y no visualizas hacer otra cosa que ir al karaoke.

(Por decir algunas)
Dedicado a todas las personas que estén pensando venir a China ^_^

1265282973
0
1265282973 121 15 5819 , ()
Miembro desde 16 Oct 2008 - 13:03

Jiaozi, mola tu post xD

Serica
0
Bandera de España Serica 39 2 91 Sevilla, Andalucía (España)
Miembro desde 5 Nov 2009 - 14:31

#49 OK OK te haré caso: dedicada especialmente a tí ;)
pero sigo pensando que la del farolillo no estaba tan mal...

badaloní
0
Bandera de Singapur badaloní 649 131 17133 East Coast, Singapur (Singapur)
Miembro desde 8 Feb 2008 - 23:32

#52 son tus bolas chinas? xD . La Rita tiene varios modelos, pídele consejo jiji

juer Valjean, parece que vas obligado a China juusss...

1263431598
0
1263431598 20 6 787 , ()
Miembro desde 17 Nov 2009 - 22:42

No bada no fotem, obligado no, me pilla de paso (joer ya sé que suena snob pero es lo que hay) y si todo va como espero pues estaré allí sobre un mes o así..a ver

Ellinida
0
Bandera de Grecia Ellinida 159 6 508 Atenas, Attica (Grecia)
Miembro desde 13 May 2009 - 10:31

Muy bueno el post....¡Me he reido muchísimo!
¡Curioso lo del número 4!

badaloní
0
Bandera de Singapur badaloní 649 131 17133 East Coast, Singapur (Singapur)
Miembro desde 8 Feb 2008 - 23:32

Asia tiene estas cosas, muchos puntos muy muy curiosos. Números, colores, supersticiones etc; por ejemplo:
- en China el color de la suerte es el rojo (no os habéis preguntado pq meten dinero en sobre rojos en su fin de año? o usan linternas rojas para guiar a los fantasmas?); en cambio, el color de la mala suerte es el negro y el 'neutro' es el blanco, donde simboliza leche materna vida/honestidad.
- en Malasia amarillo.
- en Tailandia los lunes ves a muchísima población que visten de amarillo (por el rey) o cuando es el cumple de la mujer del rey, visten de lila durante 1 mes. Aquí os dejo una foto donde sale mujer del rey en un centro comercial---> http://www.jpgbox.com/jpg/7666_600x400.jpg (como veis, viste de lila)

y miles y miles más. Es genial!

1273855750
0
1273855750 76 6 4328 , ()
Miembro desde 24 Aug 2009 - 04:24

anda tu badaloni calmate! xD

poziman
0
Bandera de Colombia poziman 395 18 405 Medellin, Antioquia (Colombia)
Miembro desde 30 Apr 2007 - 13:19

muy bueno Jiaozi!

1265282973
0
1265282973 121 15 5819 , ()
Miembro desde 16 Oct 2008 - 13:03

Bada, como que la rita tiene bolas chinas? xD
Tu acaso has registrado mis cajones?

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Serica, no pude lograr mi objetivo :( así que tendré que regresar ^_^
Al resto, muchas gracias ;)

Carter_84
0
Bandera de Reino Unido Carter_84 132 7 180 St Albans, Hertfordshire (Reino Unido)
Miembro desde 22 Oct 2009 - 09:33

Jiaozi,

Entonces, dices que se conectan al msn desde el curro, ¿tú también?

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Claro, siempre hay que estar con los tres online: msn, skype y qq ^_^

Carter_84
0
Bandera de Reino Unido Carter_84 132 7 180 St Albans, Hertfordshire (Reino Unido)
Miembro desde 22 Oct 2009 - 09:33

jajajaja okis

badaloní
0
Bandera de Singapur badaloní 649 131 17133 East Coast, Singapur (Singapur)
Miembro desde 8 Feb 2008 - 23:32

#59 a ver rita...me dijiste que siempre llevas bolas chinas tamaño grande y que te gusta subir y bajar mucho las escaleras :p

1265282973
0
1265282973 121 15 5819 , ()
Miembro desde 16 Oct 2008 - 13:03

Siii, jiaozi me alegra las mañanas por el msn ^_^

1265282973
0
1265282973 121 15 5819 , ()
Miembro desde 16 Oct 2008 - 13:03

Bada, puerco.

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Bada, en "mi tema" no se discute ni se habla de guarradas.

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Rita guapa, tu si que me alegras mis tardes ;)

Vinagretis
0
Bandera de España Vinagretis 391 12 7208 Pamplona, Navarra (España)
Miembro desde 7 Mar 2009 - 13:10

hola

badaloní
0
Bandera de Singapur badaloní 649 131 17133 East Coast, Singapur (Singapur)
Miembro desde 8 Feb 2008 - 23:32

#69--> ??
no va el chat? :d

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Hola Vina guapa!!!
(Bada, mola mucho más en "abierto")

Vinagretis
0
Bandera de España Vinagretis 391 12 7208 Pamplona, Navarra (España)
Miembro desde 7 Mar 2009 - 13:10

que iba a seguir escribiendo más cosas pero me he distraído y le he dado a enviar, sorry, :)

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Bueno, voy a soltar mi reflexión: escribí este post el día que cumplí 2 años en China.

He vivido muchas cosas buenas pero también otras muy malas. He despedido amigos, amores, trabajos, casas, mascotas... demasiadas cosas.

Cuando aterricé pensé quedarme un añito (el tiempo de mi contrato) pero algo me atrapó, siento una especie de química con la cultura, con su gente,... ya he dejado de ver las cosas "malas" y me he llenado los bolsillos de gestos, sensaciones y demás cosas "buenas", que en realidad, son el motivo de que a día de hoy aún continúe viviendo en China y siga luchando por quedarme aún más tiempo.

Por supuesto que cumplo muchísimos de los puntos anteriores, pero aún no ha llegado el momento de despedirme de mi querido "dragón".

Î₪Dî
0
Bandera de Rusia Î₪Dî Krasnodar, Krasnodar (Rusia)
Miembro desde 24 Oct 2009 - 04:45

Yo me tire seis, Jiaozi...y se me partio el corazon al irme. Si te sabes integrar, alli se esta muy bien. Te deseo lo mejor :)

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Gracias Indi, no creo llegar al sexto, pero de momento vamos a por el tercero y subiendo!!!

Ellinida
0
Bandera de Grecia Ellinida 159 6 508 Atenas, Attica (Grecia)
Miembro desde 13 May 2009 - 10:31

#73 +1

No2
0
Bandera de China No2 102 0 91 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 9 Sep 2008 - 05:18

Hola Jiaozi,

He vuelto de Europa de viaje y me encontrado con tu excelente reflexión.

Un sabio amigo mio que lleva aquí cuatro años me explicó que en la relación de los occidentales con China pasamos por tres etapas:

1.- Amo China. Cuando das el salto de venirte para acá con eso de abrazar la cultura milenaria y esas cosas.
2.- Odio China. Cuando la cruda realidad te demuestra que aquí entre dos puntos el camino más corto no es la línea recta.
3.- Soporto China. Cuando pese a todo sobrevives, lo sobrellevas y si te marchases lo echarías de menos.

Viendo la lista creo que estás claramente como yo en la fase 3. Je, je, je.

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Hola No2,

¡Qué gusto volver a leerte! Un brindis por la tercera etapa ^_^

Ellinida
0
Bandera de Grecia Ellinida 159 6 508 Atenas, Attica (Grecia)
Miembro desde 13 May 2009 - 10:31

#77 eso dicen de grecia tb!!!!!!!!!

bobbyjean
0
Bandera de Alemania bobbyjean 129 25 2246 Bad Salzuflen, NRW (Alemania)
Miembro desde 27 Aug 2009 - 09:24

Me ha encantado tu post, Jaozi. Me has hecho ver muchos aspectos del día a día en China la mar de interesantes y totalmente desconocidos para mí.

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Gracias Nenuca ^_^
Por cierto, muy guapa en tu nueva foto, espero que en Egipto (¿?) te haya ido genial.

1312242727
0
1312242727 340 48 14589 , ()
Miembro desde 2 Aug 2007 - 10:32

¡Ahora tengo más ganas de ir a China!

bobbyjean
0
Bandera de Alemania bobbyjean 129 25 2246 Bad Salzuflen, NRW (Alemania)
Miembro desde 27 Aug 2009 - 09:24

Gracias, Jaozi! Egipto - quitando el hecho de que primero mi baby estuvo enfermo y luego mi media naranja - estuvo fenomenal. Esta vez fueron vacaciones de relax solamente pero cuando el peque sea más grande iremos en plan vacaciones culturales, que Egipto tiene mucho que ofrecer.

1263431598
0
1263431598 20 6 787 , ()
Miembro desde 17 Nov 2009 - 22:42

Eso espero Nenuca, yo en un par de meses más o menos estaré por allí de viaje lúdico y de negocios. De momento los contactos con su embajada me están yendo easy..easy. Gente maja de verdad.

bobbyjean
0
Bandera de Alemania bobbyjean 129 25 2246 Bad Salzuflen, NRW (Alemania)
Miembro desde 27 Aug 2009 - 09:24

Sí, de eso nos pudimos dar cuenta, de que son gente majísima, o al menos es lo que puedo decir de los hombres pues con mujeres egipcias no traté. Me pregunto cómo será la situación de la mujer egipta. Recuerdo que en Dubai, aunque llevaban su velo o incluso el tschador, me sorprendió que las mujeres iban mano a mano con sus maridos, o que éstos empujaban el carrito del bebé mientras sus mujeres se agarraban a su brazo luciendo su bolso de LV y sus gafas de Chanel... O sea, que no era la típica imagen de la mujer caminando tres metros más atrás de su marido. Y hablando con habitantes de allí llegué a la conclusión de que viven el Islam en su versión más limpia y justa, sin nada de fundamentalismos. Pero hey, no quiero desviarme del tema, que este hilo se trata de China y de cómo la vive Jiaozi! :)

Î₪Dî
0
Bandera de Rusia Î₪Dî Krasnodar, Krasnodar (Rusia)
Miembro desde 24 Oct 2009 - 04:45

Vistes chador en Dubai, Nenuca? Dime donde que vaya a ver :)
En Egipto pasan de fundamentalismos, a mi me lo comentan mucho los compis de trabajo. Kuwait es un pelin mas tradicional, solo un pelin. Por aqui hay mucho Girl Power, aunque no lo parezca...lol

bobbyjean
0
Bandera de Alemania bobbyjean 129 25 2246 Bad Salzuflen, NRW (Alemania)
Miembro desde 27 Aug 2009 - 09:24

Pues sí, Indi, en los shopping malls, pero lo que te digo: el chador bien puesto pero el bolso de lujo bien a la vista. No era la regla general, también las había que iban con la rostro al descubierto. El guía nos comentó que la mujer puede elegir y que muchas eligen por sí mismas llevar el chador porque se sienten más seguras. No sé si creérmelo, pero fue lo que dijo.

Î₪Dî
0
Bandera de Rusia Î₪Dî Krasnodar, Krasnodar (Rusia)
Miembro desde 24 Oct 2009 - 04:45

En la mayoria de casos, es verdad. En Dubai mas que en Iran, xq no hay obligacion de llevarlo. Por ejemplo, en Kuwait esta prohibido llevarlo al conducir, y en Egipto tambien esta prohibido llevarlo en la universidad. Yo tuve una alumna con chador este verano en una academia y menos mal que era una nada mas en el grupo, si no es un lio saber quien es quien.... :S

runningw
0
Bandera de Suiza runningw 20 0 6 Neuchâtel, Neuchâtel (Suiza)
Miembro desde 24 Nov 2009 - 17:09

Hola Jiaozi,

hahahaaaaaaa.... excelentes observaciones !
Me gusta cuando tu pronuncas "okey la" !!!

Bravo Chica, profunda admiracion !

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Gracias runningw, anda que tu en Suiza y hablando todos los idiomas...

weskid
0
Bandera de Estados Unidos weskid 0 0 3 NYC, Y (Estados Unidos)
Miembro desde 1 Dec 2009 - 01:11

por favor, la de que " Cuando sientes que los chinos no son tan feos como cuando llegaste." es la mejor de todas.

fan.

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

^_^

juanfdez
0
Bandera de España juanfdez 188 1 8 Valladolid, Valladolid (España)
Miembro desde 24 Apr 2009 - 06:38

Nunca había visto la lista en castellano, aquí tienes una similar algo más larga en inglés

1. A few shots of Bai jiu don't even give you a buzz.
2. You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone
3. A June 2001 Great Wall Cabernet (mixed with Sprite) is your vintage of choice
4. When someone says 'snack', you think: salted cuttlefish.
5. You only drink beer from one litre bottles.
6. You enjoy wearing flip flops on all occasions
7. you get your haircut on the sidewalk.
8. You leave the 'Garbano' designer label conspicuously on the jacket sleeve.
9. You enjoy karaoke.
10. You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.
11. The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism.
12. You have grown used to the picture quality of pirated VCDs.
13. Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.
14. You watch 'xiangqi' (Chinese chess) on TV religiously.
15. You find yourself "getting back to nature" in a park that contains nothing but concrete and a giant revolutionary statue.
16. You smoke in crowded elevators.
17. All white people look the same to you.
18. You like the smell of the bus.
19. Open spaces make you nervous.
20. You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly.
21. People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.
22. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
23. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
24. You find yourself exiting a major highway...on your bike.
25. You find western toilets uncomfortable.
26. You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
27. You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy.
28. Any discomfort causes you to think there might be something wrong with your 'Qi'.
29. Your body no longer accepts dairy products.
30. You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
31. You ask people in what animal year they were born.
32. You measure distances in 'Li'.
33. You think you speak Chinese fluently.
34. Squatting becomes your favourite position, anytime, anywhere.
35. You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.
36. You can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.
37. You developed an acquired taste for mooncakes
38. You have stopped noticing the grotesquely deformed leper on the Exchange Square flyover.
39. A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.
40. Your building's security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.
41. It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
42. Thanks to karaoke, you know who has the most singing talent in your building.
43. You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster.
44. The ultimate status symbol is a lawn-mower.
45. You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket
check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
46. You learnt to recognise Andy Lau, Leon Lai, Aaron Kwok and Jacky Cheung. AND JACKY CHAN
47. You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
48. Pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.
49. Your colleagues eat sun-dried cuttlefish coated in sugar and you don't bat an eyelid.
50. You actually purchased a canto-pop CD
51. You actually played it several times.
52. A PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 7 languages irons your socks for a pittance but she is from the Philippines so it's all right.
53. You are not surprised to see your tap water run dark brown.
54. You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.
55. You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
56. You use the word "Ayyiieeaaahh" every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.
57. You believe you are really tall when you are only 5'8".
58. You finally decide to eat at McDonalds to put some solids into your body.
59. You watch an american movie on HBO, with sub-titles, and try to read them.
60. You like to watch CNN or BBC News World on TV.
61. You eat a kebab on the street and call it "Cat on a stick" and keep eating.
62. You believe that the cure for all ailments is to drink more water.
63. You have a washing machine in your apartment.
64. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.
65. You read shanghaiexpat.com and understand what people are talking about.
66. Your work buddy taps you on the shoulder to talk to you, and you say "Bu Yao" (no thank you!) out of habit.
67. You offer to sell your own watch to a $2 Rolex street vendor, to fend him off.
68. You think you should wear nylon sox with your Nikes, stilettos or sandals in the summer, instead of cotton ones.
69. You question the waitress who didn't cut your steak piece by piece, and ask for chopsticks.
70. You always leave your tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks and Maccas because you insist that is the way to keep everyone employed
71. You're a hardworking person, voluntarily doing over time everyday, because you only chatted with your friends on QQ during office hours.
72. You buy an XXXL T-shirt when you returned home.
73. You take large sum of cash whenever you go to the hospital in your home country
74. You are no longer flinching every few seconds in a Taxi ride.
75. You can pinch off one nostril and let it rip.
76. You chew on "Ducks blood" like a fatty piece of beef.
77. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on a restaurant floor.
78. You start reaching for a piece of fish with your chop sticks and don't even notice the fish looking back at you.
79. Walking across the street, against the light, and in and out of traffic is a piece of cake.
80. Your brand new bicycle only cost you $20.
81. Your washing machine looks like it was made by Matell.
82. You are now washing your socks in the sink.
83. You get your ears cleaned in a public square by a guy with a two foot long Q-Tip.
84. You think it's okay that your girlfriend has a chinese boyfriend too, cause she doesn't like him.
85. You try to haggle over the rental price of a $110 a month apartment.
86. You accept the fact that the bathroom sink "doesn't work" and just use the kitchen sink instead.
87. You think it's silly to buy a new bike when it'll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.
88. You relish the thought of pizza hut, but only go on special occasions.
89. You'd rather pay the 10 yuan for an all night stay at the internet cafe than the 30 for a taxi home.
90. You get up early for a backwards walk and thrust your hand at a 45 degree angle into the sky over and over for balanced excercise.
91. When refusing someone something they expected or counted on you just say "Sorry" (buhaoyise) with no explanation whatsoever.
92.When asked your reasons you just repeat "Sorry" (buhaoyisi).
93. You go to Carrefour to shop for girls.
94. You don't ask your 30 year old girlfriend if she wants to stay over cause you know her mom won't let her stay out past 2.
95. Ice cubes in beer actually make it cooler and more refreshing
96. Your definition of going home "early" or not staying out too late is around midnight
97. You have a pet bird...which you walk
98. When you take a cab, you give play-by-play driving directions to the driver
99. You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut
100. You eat three regular meals a day: lunch, dinner and night snacks
101. When you go to the toilet you start bringing your own toilet paper
102. You can pick up any type of food using just your chopsticks... even peanuts.
103. You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise)
104. The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
105. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
106. You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.
107. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
108. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.
109. You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply "Up To You".
110. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.
111. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.
112. You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is "Broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it "Fixed".
113. You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.
114. You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.
115. A T-Bone steak with rice sounds just fine.
116. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.
117. You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and counterfeit watch peddlers with equal disdain.
118. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
119. When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.
120. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
121. You have more knick-knacks than your grandmother.
123. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
124. David Wu is one of your favorite celebrities.
125. You know David Wu is a big headed 'poser'.
126. You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading.
127. You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or the bus you are on.
128. You would rather SMS someone than actually meet to talk 'face to face'.
129. You start not answering your mobile so u can call back from your house/ public phone.
130. You wear nylons when it is 30 degrees outside
131. You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk
132. You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you.
133. Car accidents become a source of heartwarming humour.
134. You ride around on your bicycle ringing a bell for some unknown f***ing reason
135. When shopping at Carrefour some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat.
136. You start telling a story to a new expat friend about the crazy Beijing girl you slept with 6 months ago and he replies that he knows her and she was his girlfriend at the time. Neither of you care.
137. You have figured out that it is actually the Taiwanese who are running this country.
138. You start to describe delusional thoughts and fantasies as "healthy passions."
139. Hookers buy you drinks.
140. You get your first case of bronchitus and you have never smoked a cigarette in your life.
141. The idea of seeing how this place will look at Expo 2010 and the Olympics actually appeals to you.
142. You have a pinky fingernail an inch long
143. You haven't cut you finger nails in 8 weeks.
145. Armpit hair has become a new sex game and play toy.
146. In a meeting you say everything will be 'wonderful' and give no details.
147. You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start.
148. You burp in any situation and don't care.
149. You see one foreign person eating Pineapple (or whatever) and say "Yes, all foreign people like Pineapple
150. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work.
151. You think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queueing for.
152. You go shopping to buy gifts for a future business partner, just to 'smooth things along'
153. When having conversations with your friends you start leaving unnecessary words or letters out of sentences and end up talking like an imbecile
154. In the rain, you spot a vacant taxi which is 10 minutes away and you have already planned how you are going to jump out with great enthusiasm in the road, elbow everyone else trying to claim it, and wave your hands everywhere in a 'look at me I'm a goal keeper' kind of fashion
155. You have learnt how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically cut in and walk very slowly directly in front of them
156. You watch taxi drivers picking their noses whilst stuck in traffic. Instead of feeling disgusted, you actually admire along with them, the length and breadth of the boogie.
157. You see people outside wearing shower caps in the rain, and instead of thinking what a freak, you actually understand the practicality behind it. The same with clipping pegs on your trousers when riding a bike
158. Your eating manners in restaurants are now totally shot. Elbows on tables and spitting food out onto your plate is now seen as being dead classy.
159. When you turn the volume on the television in the restaurant up so high that you cannot hear what the person across the table from you is saying.
160. When you insist on paying the bill and fumble with your purse or wallet so long that the other person pays anyway.
161. When you sit in the restaurant with your finger up your nose to your elbow and stare at the laowai. Then you pull it out, inspect it, roll it into a ball and casually flick it onto the wall or the closest person's plate.
162. When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai left 2 centimeters between themself and the person in front of them.
163. When you wear nylon kneehighs with your best dress
164. Before asking someone's age, you ask what animal they are.
165. You start picking at other people's dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.
166. You eat family style at any and all restaurants, Chinese or not.
167. You would rather wait on the street for an extra ten minutes for a 1.20, than pay the extra for a big cab.
168. You don't have to speak to taxi drivers. Every cab in town has taken you home at least once, so they all know where you live.
169. It seems entirely sensible to take a cab across town for 12 yuan in each direction to buy something that costs 4 yuan, that they sell right outside your house anyway.
170. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules.
171. You invite friends over for dinner, and serve thousand year old eggs as an appetizer.
172. You buy a round trip air ticket in China.
173. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.
174. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.
175. You think singing Karaoke on Friday nights is fun.
176. Other foreigners seem foreign to you.
177. You consider McDonald's a treat.
178. You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.
179. You talk louder than is necessary.
180. You are the last of your first group of friends still in China.
181. You prefer using chopsticks.
182. Chinese fashion starts looking hip.
183. You no longer notice the hooting on the streets.
184. You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.
185. Your body no longer needs dairy products.
186. You think Yangshuo is a nice place for a holiday.
187. The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card.
189. You start to enjoy the taste of baijiu.
190. You go back home for a short visit, get in a car and start giving the driver directions in Chinese.
191. You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.
192. Your idea of a larger home is an extra 10 square meters.
193. You get used to having a before dinner, during dinner, and after dinner cigarette.
194. You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk.
195. You go to the local shop in pajamas.
196. You wouldn't think of buying any appliance that doesn't come in lime green.
197. You wonder why none of your friends back home have VCD players.
198. You see some real cleavage and think WOW!
199. You ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
200. You speak putonghua better than the locals.
201. You buy the local newspaper because you forget that you can't read Chinese.
202. When looking out the window, you think "Wow, so many trees!" instead of "Wow, so much concrete!"
203. You seriously contemplate putting bathroom tiles on the outside of your house back home.
204. You can swear in 3 different dialects.
205. Pollution, what pollution?
206. You think squat toilets are more sensible.
207. You notice you've forgotten how to tie shoelaces.
208. You start wearing long thermal underwear on October 1st no matter what the temperature is.
209. You stop wearing long thermal underwear on May 1st no matter what the temperature is.
210. You phone an English-speaking laowai friend and somehow can't bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation.
211. You stop enjoying telling newcomers to China "all about China".
212. You think "English literature major" is a polite way to say peanut brained bimbo.
213. You are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you'll probably never ever meet her again.
214. You develop a liking for corn flavored ice cream.
215. You think the best part of TV is the commercials.
216. When you think it's alright to stick your head into a stranger's apartment to see if anybody's home.
217. You think that you can impress foreigners by drinking Budweiser.
218. You have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills.
219. You think "white pills, blue pills, and pink powder" is an adequate answer to the question "What are you giving me, doctor?"
220. Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why.
221. 70 degrees F. feels cold.
222. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there's room for two more.
223. "Squid" sounds better than "steak".
224. There are more things strapped to your bicycle than you would ever put in your car.
225. Looking at a dog makes you hungry.
226. Firecrackers don't wake you up.
227. Your family stops asking when you'll be coming back.
228. You don't mind when your date picks his/her nose in public.
229. You wear out your vehicle's horn before its brakes.
230. Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
231. You (male) wear white socks with your business suits.
232. You (female) wear socks over your pantyhose in summer.
234. People who knew you when you first arrived don't recognize you.
235. You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
236. You buy a top-of-the-line karaoke machine.
237. None of your shoes have laces.
238. Chinese stop you on the street to ask for directions.
239. You leave the plastic on all new purchases.
240. Forks feel funny.
241. The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
242. People who haven't seen you for months don't ask where you've been.
243. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
244. The only foreigners who have been here longer than you are buried here.
245. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China.
246. It becomes a tradition that at least part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
247. Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you've been here.
248. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, "Go away; leave me alone."
249. Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding.
250. The Lunar Calendar ALWAYS takes precedence.
251. Pizza just doesn't taste right unless there's corn on it.
252. It has been at least 18 months since you used the word "tacky" to describe anything.
253. Summers are too short; winters too long.
254. 250cc is a REALLY BIG motorcycle. (You think moving from a 125cc to a 150cc makes you more macho.)
255. All the top-level government officials you befriended for guanxi purposes when you first arrived are retired and living in your country.
256. Eating at "Western" restaurants, you wait until after dessert to drink your soup.
257. Your thumbnail is 2 inches long.
258. After being in an accident, you tell the ambulance driver which hospital to take you to.
259. You salt your fruit.
260. That unopened bottle of XO has aged longer on your living room shelf than it ever did in France.
261. you start expecting the rice at the end of a meal
262. Your company offers you a job in your native land, and includes regular "Home Leave" to China as an incentive.
263. Household furnishings are arranged for optimal fengshui.
264. You can make elevators go faster by boarding first and taking over the controls.
265. You stop calling the Guinness Book of Records people each time you kill a cockroach.
266. You think of "salad" as diced apples in mayonnaise.
267. You don't recognize a bowl of chicken soup unless there are feet and a head in it.
268. Your favorite pizza toppings are corn and shrimp.
269. You don't bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans.
270. In the summer, you roll the legs of your pants up to your knees whenever you sit down.
271. You (men) roll your shirt up to your nipples.
272. You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs.
273. You have a purse and you are male.
274. You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.
275. You smoke in crowded elevators.
276. You like the smell of the bus.
278. You go to the hospital at the first signs of a cold.
279. You don't notice your gastrointestinal problems anymore.
280. You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
281. Your handshake is weakening by the day.
282. You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.
283. You can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.
284. You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
285. Drilling on the walls in the wee small hours in the morning is
considered acceptable behavior.
286. You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
287. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
288. Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat.
289. You know that leather shoes can grow leaves during the wet season.
290. You speak enough Chinese to make your colleagues laugh their heads off (attempts with anyone else still only draw blank stares).
291. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other.
292. You get on a bus alone and pretend to have a friend at the other end of the bus!
293. You always get a seat on a bus.
294. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.
295. You cannot say "Call me." without making a pretend phone with your fingers and sticking to your ear.
296. You eat at exactly the same time every day, whether you are hungry or not. Then eat again later when you ARE hungry.
297. You think a pedestrian crossing over the street is "beautiful".
298.You start enjoying the taste of the "meat flavour beancurd" lays crisps.
299.You think your nose IS kind of big.
300. You like the taste of Green Tea and Chivas
301. You haven't eaten anything baked in months.
302. You can expertly manoeuvre your bike through any traffic situation.
303. Grown men and women often say hello to you, and when you reply they run away giggling.
304. You see nothing wrong with standing on a white stripe in the middle of a highway while cars whiz past you at 90kph.
305. You don't blink an eye when a complete stranger wants to take a photo of you with his family.
306. You eat soup with chopsticks.
307. You use Kleenex for table napkins.
308. You drink warm sodas and find them refreshing.
309. You are accustomed to seeing people's heads popping up and down in the VCD you are watching.
310. You buy a movie that hasn't been released theatrically yet at home...
311. You complain about the price of chocolate bars...
312. When a trim at the barber involves two washes, a scalp massage, a neck and shoulder massage, and a crowd of onlookers.
313. You take it in stride when you are offered beer/baijiu at lunch before going back to work.
314. You start wearing a face mask on windy days and wonder at the "silly foreigners" who don't do the same.
315. The smell of stinky Tofu doesn't faze you anymore.
316. You can't find face lotion or cleanser that does not bleach your skin white....
317. You shove the guy before you back to where he stood half a minute before in the queue, barking a loud "hou mian, hou mian, ni nongmin!".
318. You can open and hull sunflower seeds with your tongue.
319. Long underwear is a wardrobe staple five months of the year.
320. You have trouble sleeping when you go home for a visit because it's just too darn quiet.
321. You have ten different responses to the question, "Do you like China?"
322. You're looking forward to blending in with the crowd.
323. You know ten different ways to point out a foreigner in Chinese.
324. You point out foreigners to your Chinese friends even though you're foreign yourself.
325. You know words in Chinese for which you don't know the translation in English.
326. You answer 'China' when people ask where you're from.
327. You answer 'China' when people ask where you live.
328. You call home and your family tell you to speak faster and stop correcting their grammar and pronunciation.
329. You think that having the runs for 2 weeks is normal.
330. You eat cake with chopsticks.
331. You constantly wonder if everything has been boiled long enough.
332. You answer 'So is mine.' when people say their English is so poor.
333. You answer 'Into what?' when people say China is developing.
334. You convince yourself that it doesn't matter how dirty the cooks' hands are, cooking will fix it.
335. You think squats are great because no one can poop on the seat.
336. If there are only 4 screaming children running around the classroom, you consider it a good primary class.
337. If there are only 4 students sleeping, you consider it a good middle school class.
338. If there are only 4 dictionary obsessed nerds, you consider it a good language center class.
339. You start saying 'play computer' 'I very like' and other assorted chinglish.
340. You hold hands with others of the same sex and think nothing of it.
341. You avoid touching those of opposite sex like they have cooties.
342. You whole-heartedly agree with things that you don't agree with.
343. You've got a pre-paid ticket with a booked seat for a soft-seat train or plane, but you still run like mad to make sure you get a seat.
344. Smoking does less harm to your lungs than breathing.
345. You call polluted water and preservatives wine.
346. You point over your back with your thumb when using the past tense.
347. 'Investigative reporting' is either slagging off at America or toeing the Party line.
348. Everyone wants to be your friend - all you have to do is teach them English for free.
349. Everyone wants to teach you Chinese by speaking to you in English.
350. Your Chinese lessons consist of 50 words your teacher wants to know the English meaning of.
351. You tell people you don't understand, so they write it for you - in Chinese.
352. Your boss speaks really good English until you ask for more money.
353. You have accumulated hundreds of notes and addresses but you can't read any of them.
354. Groups of people find it fascinating to watch you buy an orange at a fruit market. Commentary is provided in case some people don't know exactly what's going on.
355. You have no qualms that someone who thinks you're stupid and gullible has total control over your life.
356. At the beach women wear bulky swimsuits from the 1950's while men wear Speedos.
357. A hike up a mountain calls for a plastic grocery bag full of junk food.
358. The more you listen to the news, the more uninformed you are.
359. You start thinking instant coffee tastes pretty good.
360. When the national news is on, your forty TV channels magically become the same channel.
361. Absolutely everything that can possibly be eaten is in some way good for your health.
362. Only five minutes of prep time for an unannounced class no longer fazes you.
363. Evaluating the contents of your shopping cart is the past-time of all the other shoppers in the store.
364. at English Corner (aka English Speaker Cornered) a person asks you how to "improve my oral English" and when you tell them the only way is to continually practice they walk away dejected and sad.
365. You begin to question your own pronunciation.
366. You no longer expect the truth.
367. You can use "face" as a weapon.
368. If you are a man and you forget color coordinated socks and prefer white for business.
369. You walk with your arms clasped behind your back routinely.
370. You stare in others food cart at supermarket to see what they buy to eat.
371. You know more China geography and actually been to more cities than 95% of Chinese.
372. You wear a bag strapped to your shoulders instaed of a wallet.
373. You think puking in public is acceptable and normal behavior.
374. You think sandals are normal business shoes.
375. You use HE for both male and female
376. You now end simple sentences & sms with "!" (^_^) lol

Source: facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=674594052#/group.php?gid=225...

P.D. Perdón por el tocho

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Gracias juanfdez ^_^

Madre mía... lo mío fue una idea de un foro que leí y decidí hacer una lista para enviar algo gracioso a las personas que contactan conmigo preguntandome cosas sobre el país. Ahora se acercan las fechas de la nueva hornada ;)

sau_away
0
Bandera de Alemania sau_away 138 19 1852 Nürnberg, Bayern (Alemania)
Miembro desde 11 May 2009 - 20:03

Me gusta leer todos los post pero con #93 haré una excepción.

Jiaozi muy bueno el hilo :)

No2
0
Bandera de China No2 102 0 91 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 9 Sep 2008 - 05:18

377. Cuando haces listas interminables ; )

Gracias juanfdez !

Jiaozi, ánimo, que no decaiga. Más hilos tan buenos con este, porfa.

Î₪Dî
0
Bandera de Rusia Î₪Dî Krasnodar, Krasnodar (Rusia)
Miembro desde 24 Oct 2009 - 04:45

Juajuajuajua La lista es larga, pero yo la habia visto ya...Lo mejor es que es verdad, punto x punto...Puro retrato de la vida en China.

Yo iba a abrir un hilo similar sobre el golfo, pero tal y como esta el tema, no parece un momento apropiado. A lo mejor para la cuesta de Enero :)

badaloní
0
Bandera de Singapur badaloní 649 131 17133 East Coast, Singapur (Singapur)
Miembro desde 8 Feb 2008 - 23:32

No, ya se cerró el plazo. Ahora hay que esperar hasta el 2010

Jiaozi
0
Bandera de China Jiaozi 212 29 3425 Shanghai, Shanghai (China)
Miembro desde 16 Jul 2009 - 04:24

Ard jajaja por supuesto!!!!

Bada, a tí te voy a cerrar el plazo XD

asiangirl
0
Bandera de Portugal asiangirl 85 2 23 Lisboa, Centro-Sul (Portugal)
Miembro desde 13 Mar 2009 - 18:22

JAJAJAJA..... muy bueno..........y todo cierto......aunque algunos puntos aún no están en mi rutina..... ;) saludos norteños de la capital del norte del pais del medio.... :P

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